K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
