I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
