Fine. I'll sleep in my office
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
