3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
