I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
