Your face is a jimmy john
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Where is the hickey?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
