Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
