so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
