Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
