I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
