god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize