can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
