Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
