may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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