Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize