The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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