The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
