I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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