Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
