Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
