Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
