What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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