I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
