I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
