True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
