During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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