Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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