THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
