Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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