Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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