just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
