and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
