Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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