I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
