God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
