I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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