yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
