I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
