Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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