I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
