i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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