capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
