She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
