The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
