She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
