I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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