I love having hate sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
COCAINE IS GR8
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
