I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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