Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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