We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
