he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize