you guys were way drunker than both of me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
