Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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