My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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