I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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