have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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