So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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