So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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