I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
