You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
