Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
