WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it because I queefed?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All I want is dick and wine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
