Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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