Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you made out with another girl for some wings
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
