There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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