im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I checked into jail on foursquare
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
