Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
