I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
