Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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