You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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